The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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