I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
