I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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