Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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