i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
