you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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