Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
