My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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