I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
