After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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