remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
