There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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