Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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