Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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