You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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