Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
