using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
