the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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