Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
