I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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