we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
