OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
