I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
