Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
