that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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