I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
