Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
