so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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