sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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