I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
