Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
