I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Soap is not a condiment
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
