Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
