shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
