she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
