I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
