I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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