Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
