Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
