So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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