My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
