Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
