I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
