saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
