dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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