I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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