1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
