i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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