just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
