I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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