he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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