Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
