Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
