Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
