Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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