i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
