can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize