Sponge bath it is.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
