haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
