There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
