my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
