The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
