He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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