at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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